How to Turn Perfectionism Into Progress, through Holistic Horsemanship
Are you a perfectionist?
Often, perfectionists dread deadlines and goal setting, so they procrastinate. This leads to self-criticism, self-doubt, negative talk, and paralyzing overwhelm.
It’s a scary, dark, and endless rabbit hole that leads to self-sabotage and self-destructive patterns. The number one area affected by perfectionism is learning.
Are you a confident or unconfident learner?
Many students start strong in their learning journey but then get bored (or overwhelmed) and quit.
Perfectionism is what causes students to become unconfident learners. It causes them to excessively criticize themselves and their horses, resulting in stress, anxiety, and a lack of advancement. Additionally, perfectionism hinders equestrians from exploring new opportunities or advancing further due to their fear of failure, judgment, and criticism.
This is why students lose motivation. This is how students become unconfident learners. They start to self-doubt their abilities.
As a teacher, trainer, and instructor, I have found my students' fear of failure to be the most challenging area.
The fear of failure and humiliation drives them to avoid making mistakes and focus on the goal at the expense of the process and their horse's expense.
I have found that at least 75% of students stop learning before they feel empowered, accomplished, and successful. They give up right when they are about to make the most impact and habit-forming learning curve.
They tell me they quit for the following reasons.
They were overwhelmed as a learner.
They don't know how to be a fair and healthy leader for their horses.
They didn’t think they were doing it right and didn’t want to mess up their horse.
Their horse was too challenging, and they didn’t feel capable.
Does this sound like you?
As a learner, I have felt EVERY ONE of these fears, BUT I didn’t let any of them stop me from pursuing my passion or being the best I could be for myself and my horse.
That's because my drive to be the best I could be as a learner outweighed any negative talk, insecurities, and self-doubt. There is a difference between being driven to succeed and perfectionism. Often, students are naturally driven, but somewhere along their development, they are criticized, and it's become an unconscious trigger. It's an area worth exploring if you are struggling with feeling like you have to be perfect.
I’ve thought a lot about this topic and what makes me stay committed and motivated as a learner when I feel overwhelmed, afraid, unsure, insecure, frustrated, and disappointed.
I believe it comes down to the following areas:
Natural drive
Childhood influences and learned behaviors
Attitude (mindset)
Most students who succumb to their fears tell me their fear runs deep, as far back as childhood. Their need to be perfect was shaped by a parent, or parents, who were judgmental, critical, and passive-aggressive, a deadly combination.
This, in turn, created a self-defeating attitude towards pursuing and accomplishing their goals and dreams.
If you’re tired of being a perfectionist, I know a few time-tested solutions that will work for you, but you must trust me and, most of all, trust the process.
Here are some tips for overcoming perfectionism in horsemanship:
Don't wait for everything to feel perfect before acting. Focus on the nuances of what you are doing, and, most of all, enjoy them with your horse.
Focus on what you're doing right and what feels right. This is about being present and connecting to the moment.
Reward your horse for trying (it doesn’t have to be “right” or perfect!). This is how you build “try” and confidence in your horse.
Let go of controlling or micro-managing everything your horse does. Allow them the freedom to express themselves (have a voice), learn how to go with the flow, and motivate your horse’s actions through love and leadership.
See the horse as an individual with their own fears, patterns, and needs.
Take action. Don’t let the fear paralyze you. This is where you can push through and do it until the uncomfortable becomes comfortable.
Holistic horsemanship is your guide to learning how to let go of perfectionism and finally enjoy your life, your horse and your horsemanship.
If you want to learn more, I will discuss this further within my upcoming podcast:
"Is Perfectionism Paralyzing Your Horsemanship?"
Join me, Caroline Beste, and my special guest Sheri Scurr, from Heart Connections Horsemanship, LLC. www.hchorsemanship.com for a LIVE podcast, Wednesday, November 13, 12PM/EST/USA on the Tao of Horsemanship Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TaoofHorsemanship.
Want to try the Holistic Horsemanship Mini-Series? Regularly $179.99, you can try this series for just $29.99 for a limited time! It's a great way to get an introduction to holistic horsemanship and how my programs work! Please click here for details:
Are you ready to start your beautiful journey NOW?
If you are ready to dive in and follow my holistic horsemanship roadmap (complete step-by-step curriculum), where you learn how to develop you and your horse holistically, from the inside out, ground to riding, rehab to recovery, beginner to pro, please click here: https://www.taoofhorsemanship.com/horse-riding-holistic-program.
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